Love.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY "PRETZ" (R.I.P)

Matthew we all miss you!! we know you are celebrating in heaven!

your big brother is having a hard time right now he wishes you were here i told him your watching over him but that wouldn't let the tears stop from falling from his eyes though.. you will never be forgotten! your high school family misses you =/

Rain, Rain Go Away!!!

it has been raining all day, since this morning and everyone knows me and rain does not get along i mean i love it when i don't have to go out in it.. but i still manage to make it to school without getting soaked and made it home just in time before it started raining cats and dogs. Thank God!!! Classes went pretty well today though. i got a 100 % on a quiz i took last wk. and an A on my "Funeral Essay" For my Aging, dying and death class. I also Recieved a 95 on my General Psychology quiz [yay!!!] ;-) I had a math Quiz today lets [pray] i passed that as well. me & math aren't real good friends. but i'm working on it.. I mean i really don't have a choice but to do well. The only person who can keep me grounded is me, myself & i. the months are really flying by so fast it's about to be Oct. Crazy right? it seem like summer was just here yesterday.. I'm praying this semester goes as planned.. I need to go buy a Big Calendar for my room so i can write everything down from my syllabus so i will know when i have exams and papers are due instead of rambling through packets of papers.. being organized is the key! so this wk. i plan on going to buy one I don't know where to go to get one but i'm sure office max, target or the dollar store has them. This wk.end i'm thinking about having a Girls night at my house i miss my Gals. so i was thinking i will invite the ladies over and will just order pizza nad have drinks and Gossip and update each other. it will be good because i miss my Best Friend shauna and haven't seen her in a min. and we all need a lil break to just relax. it beats going out to a club any day to my opinion because i don't do the whole going out thing that much anymore.. i will save that for my 21st Bday in Dec. even then it will be freezing but i will find a way to enjoy my birthday regradless =)

R.I.P JULISSA "KETIA" ROMAN

I didn't know her personally but i found her channel on youtube a while back and subscribed & i loved watching her videos i thought she was hilarious and very sweet. it's sad that she was taken away but God had better plans for her and she is no longer suffering.. he wanted his angel back. I'm sure her beautiful baby boy will be well taken care of and he will forever have videos to watch and remember his mother. R.I.P Ketia!

My Addiction.

I have been thinking about getting another tattoo just haven't decided exactly what i want next or where to get it... i want a couple more.. [or maybe more then a couple] i do know i want "this too shall pass" somewhere on my body just don't know where the placement should be, either the back of my neck or on the side of my arm... and i want the letter "J" with angel wings for my God Mother who passed away about 2 yrs. ago.. and for Jonathan who Just passed almost a month ago. I was originally going to get my God Mother's Signature tatt'd on me but i haven't really decided. so its basically all up in the air right now.. but i'm itching for tattoo # 6 right now.

Fame Kills.

Can i just say i have been waiting and waiting for Kanye west to come to my city... I'm too Excitied. Dec. 20th can't come quick enough because i will be in the building!!!!

Books i want to read...

save a life..

so my wk.end was pretty decent.. had tons of homework that seemed to be never ending.. friday i went to school and i recieved a txt from HIM later that night asking if we were still on for our movie night i thought we were watching movies on sat. but i told him it doesn't matter its up to him so he ended uo coming to get me at 11 something.. Got to his house a lil while later and met his mom.. she has got to be thee sweetest lady i met in a long time. i met his lil puppie he is too adorable.. and he showed me all these pictures from his childhood it was soooo funny & cute. his mom has 10 brothers and sisters i couldn't believe it i was like "wow". we ended up watching three movies.. Scareface, twilight, and my all time fav. Brown Sugar.. he thought it was crazy because i never seen scareface a day in my life. i mean i know what it was just never watched it and after seeing it and realizing how damn long it was thats procb. why i never wanted to watch it before but over all it was indeed an attention grabber for me.. Twilight was abs. AMAZING..... lol. cant wait for New Moon to come out in nov.. they just earned a new fan because of that movie. I damn near ended up staying the night basically i came home at like 9 something in the am.. it was nice to just stay up all night and watch movies and talk sunday i stayed in the house my mom barbequed and my ti.ti came over and we watched the footabll game The Bills pull it together and Won a Game Finally! i know they not the perfect team by any means but they my team so i will always support them even when they piss me off ;-). sat. i slept my life away because i came in the house at 9am and was running on no sleep the previous night and woke up and did h.w my ti.ti came over and we was sipping on bacardi and watched t.v so it was a mellow night...on different note today i had a convo. with my friend B. he was telling me how he been feeling lately about different situations that i didnt know about.. like for example his father not being there he feel has shaped him and made him have this "fxcked up attitude" and how he has been letting ppl influence his decisions in life so much that thats why a lot of things are messed up so me being the person i am i had to explain to him nothing is perfect but walking around mad because your father wasnt around isn't really going to help you move forward with your life.. like with my situation my father hasn't always been around and we haven't always had the greatest relationship and i believe that will never be perfect but even with all that i never let it break me or make me feel like i can't do something if anything it made me stronger.. thats why you surround yourself with positive people and people you know love & care about you.. Nothing is and will be perfect. he was saying how playing football was his "dream" but that was taken away from him years ago so now he is just a "street superstar" for the rest of his life. and he went on to say no matter what he want he either wont get it or it will be taken away.. so the damamge is done.. so when he said that shxt i was just speechless because i can relate to how he feel but that statement made me feel sad because here is a person i love and care about and when i see someone hurting i naturally hurt with them.. so i told him he made me feel some type of way over that statement and he told me dont feel sad for him because he isn't and if he ever have a kid he will just use his life as guidelines of what not to do to his kids.. and i replied with "no because i care about you so its only right i feel where your coming from. If your hurting so am i. but all you can do is move forward and break the cycle." he shared with me that, that was the nicest most caring thing anyone ever said to him and he explained how he loved me for always being real and it's ppl like me who really listen and tell things how they are and what they NEED to hear not what they WANT to hear. then he said "winter ppl like you are the reason why i'm not mad my life didn't go like i want because i would have never met ppl like you." that shxt hit home for me.... and made me realize the littlest things can change someone's outlook on life and even save someones life by just talking to them and being a friend.. thats why no matter what i'm doing if someone needs advice or anything i will be there in a heartbeat because i never know who i might need to be there for me... the craziest thing i just met him this summer when i was having my lil gatherings at my house every sat. he was TJ friend and one day came over here when we was all chilling and since that day we became mad cool.. it's not a lot of good friends left out in this crazy world so when i do meet em' i make sure i hold on to em'

All work & no play..

This wk.end i have TONS of h.w and a paper i need to do.. GRRRRR.. but tonight is Movie Night with HIM.. if he ever gets here.. i hate slow ppl.. and he is indeed one of the slowest.. lol. so tomorrow its back to the books and the studying and preparing for my exams i have coming up.. ugh.. the life of a college student..

& if....

no one told you today... I LOVE YOU.

Insomnia is a bxtch..

I haven't been able to get a good nights sleep in forever... Just yesterday i was on the phone from 10pm-7am.. please tell me how that is even possible? lol my mom was like "what the hell do yall even have to talk about that long?" LOL i have no clue how we even pulled that off but when two ppl who can't sleep get into a convo i guess thats the results... after that i went to bed and woke up at 3pm.. Thank God i didn't have class the next day... but I do i have class today at 9am so i should really be sleeping but i can't =/ this is really not good for my body. physically or mentally. i noticed how my sleeping pattern changed right when Jonathan passed away i guess i was thinking so much at night it prevented me from sleeping when i was suppose to be.. like even now i do all my thinking & worrying [if you will] at night time which isn't good... its like all day i blocked stuff out but at night thats when every though and worry comes rushing through my head and when i can't sleep i always txt HIM because i know he does NOT sleep at night lol and he always be like "you really need to be sleep this isn't cool" haha if only it was that easy for me to fall asleep but yesterday our convo turned into us learning more about each other asking random questions talking about our childhood, secrets, old relatitonships, friends... it's crazy how i knew him for about 6 going on 7 yrs. and certain stuff i'm just not learning about him.. he def. the type of person who don't let to many ppl in "his world" but this summer we have gotten pretty close with the get togethers at my house every sat. and barbeques. and he asked me yesterday did i think we would of even end up as close as we are and i said "no" i didn't expect me and him to ever be this close but things seem to happen when you least expect it and he said he greatly appreciate me and what not and the bond we have seem to built over these 3-4 months he's mom keep asking me to come over and meet her lol. everyone that knows me know i don't like meeting ppl mom's it's just something about it that freaks me out hahaha. but i told her i will be over there soon, we talked about me coming over this wk.end she told me we need to have a sleepover i damn near died Lmao she such a sweet lady and i don't even know yet but yeah i guess i'm going over this wk.end if everything works out as planned & watch movies and just chill and meet mom dukes...but anywho today i voted in the primary for Byron Brown and i'm very pleased he won!! [4 more yrs. baby!!!!] I believe he has been doing a wonderful Job as our Mayor so of course he was going to get my vote.. but i must say when i walked into the voting place and seen those lines i was like Damn and they only had one sign in book they usually have two.... but that was just pretty obvious to try to discourage ppl because ppl don't like waiting for anything but i stayed and did my part and apparently other's did their's too!

where did summer go...

so i started fall semester on the 2nd.. i can't believe how fast summer came and went.. the weather was crappy though but i did have some fun times with friends and what not.. and have gotten closer with a couple of ppl and of course some friendships came to an end but all in all it was cool. i learned a lot about myself and my capabilities. this summer consited of a lot of gathering at my house on sat. night just relaxing, drinking and playing cards if everyone wasn't over here we was at another friends house. but now that summer is basically over.. back to reality.. college life is back so that means time to stay focused and do what's needed to done. I'm trying to pull atleast a 3.7 this semester but a 4.0 would be even better!! ;-) now that would take some serious dedicating but i know i can do all things through christ. through all the hard work i know it will be worth it when i graduate.. and head to nursing school after i get out this community college.. i still can't believe i didnt just do that in the first place.. i was too bust being stubborn i guess so i decided to just get my General Studies out the way then i can go ahead and get the nursing out the way with BS degree at a four yr. its ppl wishing on my downfall too bad they will never see that happen!!!

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

No school, spending time with the Family..